I'm not so good with advice

"I'm not so good with advice...can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

-Matthew Perry as 'Chandler', American TV character

My initial response

"My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character."

-Charles Barkley, American basketball player

I’m not crazy!

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…

~anonymous

Going to church

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

~unknown

The grass may be greener

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

~unknown

Sometimes I need

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

~unknown

Always remember

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

~unknown

I won’t say ours was a tough school

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.

~unknown

Nothing is more discouraging

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

~unknown

“Are you sarcastic?”

“Are you sarcastic?”
“Well no duh!”

~unknown

I like you

I like you.
People say I’ve got no taste,
but I like you.

~unknown

Someone who thinks logically

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

~unknown

Sarcasm

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.

~unknown

Thou shalt not

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

~unknown

I find television very educating

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

~unknown

Don’t be humble

Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.

~unknown

If you’re too open-minded

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

~unknown