I do not like broccoli

I do not like broccoli.
And I haven't liked it
since I was a little kid
and my mother made me eat it.
And I'm President of the United States
and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

~ George Bush

Mothers of teenagers

Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.

- Author Unknown

The most remarkable thing

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."

- Calvin Trillin

Stay off the crack

"Stay off the crack.
Drink a chocolate milk."

~Charlie Sheen

A census taker

" A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

~Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

Bowels

"Bowels in or bowels out?"

~Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

Remarkable boy

"Remarkable boy. I do admire your courage. I think I'll eat your heart."

~Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

On a similar note

"On a similar note I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife."

~Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

Never

Never trust a man who eats blood pudding.

~Riverworld, Francisco Pizarro

Zen does not

Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes.

~Alan Watts

It's more fun

“It's more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words, but rather short, easy words like 'What about lunch?'”

- Winnie-The-Pooh

Oh... That's nice.

Oh... That's nice. Ash on my tomatoes!

~Pippin, The Lord of the Rings

When I sound the fairy call

When I sound the fairy call,
Gather here in silent meeting,
Chin to knee on the orchard wall,
Cooled with dew and cherries eating.
Merry, merry, Take a cherry
Mine are sounder, Mine are rounder
Mine are sweeter, For the eater
When the dews fall. And you'll be fairies all.

~Robert Graves, "Cherry-Time," Fairies and Fusiliers, 1918

Water

Water is the King of Food

~ Nigerian proverb

No soldier

No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

~John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

This is grain

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption… Beer!

~Friar Tuck

I went

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

~Jay Leno

Beer

Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.

~Whitstran Brewery sign

Without question

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

~Dave Barry

Inside me

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

~unknown